@Category_V Moscow
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lucysbasement:

Jeff Koons

lucysbasement:

Jeff Koons

Seems like I always had crushes on chicks I couldn’t have, and then I end up fucking with someone I shouldn’t have…
J Cole (via henriethe8th)

(via syd-aussie)

(Source: atrezzo)

// Writing //

Putting your thoughts on the web where nobody can see is still like keeping it in your head, but for some reason the reassurance that somebody out there may see it & can help you makes the load a little lighter…think I’m just gonna stick to my other blog.

// NEW TUMBLR :)//

Making a new tumblr. So I can pour out my mind body and soul and nobody would know. I feel like most of my stuff on here be only the depressing shxt and I don’t want the people who know me to think I’m going through anything.

// Giving Up.//

I just can’t win. Everything I do is wrong. When I talk about things that are going wrong, I’m wrong. When I hold back from telling people what’s wrong, I’m wrong. When I want to do right, I end up in the wrong situations. My motivation is rapidly fading away and the joy that I one had, is gone. Every thing now that happens all I see is the negative side of it. When I am rewarded I’m not even hyped anymore because I know reality is coming to knock me down as fast as I got the urge to be happy. I may laugh and I may tell a joke but, does that mean I’m happy or does that mean I’m just hiding what I feel to not mess up anybody’s vibe. I’m always being told not to quit, but why keep going if I’m never winning? Why keep going if nothing is getting better? Why keep going if the steps I’m taking forward are actually me taking steps on a treadmill and going no where. Idk what to do anymore, I don’t know who I can talk to. I don’t know if I’m even following the path that God has paved for me or if I blocked him out and decided what I want to do and that’s the reason my life is the way it is. I just want a new start, a start where I feel like the past does not matter and I am winning. A new start where I’m not angry all the time and hate myself and other people who feel as if they are helping me but, to me I’m feeling attacked. I’m just going with the motions now. Whatever happens happens. I have no dreams, I have no goals. If I succeed…yay…if I don’t…it’s nothing new. I hate this feeling because people expect so much and I’m letting them down. I expected more than they did and I’m failing myself. Then the people around me are being great. It motivates me, but when I do it, I guess I’m doing it wrong because I’m a nobody. This happy act that I been putting on, it was mainly just a show, to hide how I feel because no matter how important someone is to me I’m not as important to them so they would let me talk, but are they really listening. They got theirs, nobody wants to bring an extra burden on their life if they don’t want to. Except me and that’s where I end up wrong again. Trying to fix bridges I feel burning. I’m the one with the match. I start the fire but stomp it out before they notice. I rather live with people who faking than nobody at all. I feel like I’m becoming that person that I always said I don’t want to be me. LOST. MISGUIDED. TRAPPED. NOBODY. I’m never excited to do anything anymore. I can’t even say I want to be great because I’m the only one that sees my real efforts but to other people I’m not trying. I just want one person to understand me, to never leave me, never judge me, and always support me. Not just with words of wisdom or encouragement…i can google those…but something tangible. If someone had the ability to add or take away something to help this feeling go away that’s all I need is one. I feel like I go out my way for people all the time and get nothing in return. I don’t really ask for nothing in return until I need something or when I do decline…I’m wrong. I just want to know what is right. I want to know what I’m doing wrong and is it really me? I just want answers, I don’t want to be spoon fed but, right now I’m just left in a dark alley starving, starving for hope, searching for faith, indulging leftovers and crumbs. I’m just over it everything that happens to me is the straw that broke the camel’s back. No I can’t keep calm. Freaking out isn’t the answer but, I haven’t found the answer by keeping calm neither. As I write this I’m sacrificing studying time (see me being wrong) but it’s hard to concentrate when it’s a million and one things on your mind beating you down. So am I wrong for creating this post? Is this me wasting my time? I don’t know and I will never know, because I never now, until it’s too late and I’m facing another situation that adds on to how I feel. 

(As soon as I was about to hit publish my wifi went out. Is nobody suppose to see this? Am I wrong for creating this post?) I will wait…

// My life…still//

My like be seeming like a joke. Like somebody somewhere enjoys seeing me stressing and wishing for a better life. It sucks cuz my life not even a bad as it can be, people do have it worse, but still geesh my life is always depressing or stressful with like a hint of fun and greatness, then get kicked back to the bottom of the food chain. People be like they wish I they had my life, I be wishing my life was like other’s; where do we find our mean of happiness where we are just comfortable being ourself. I admit I said I wanted a grind cuz I feel like I be doing nothing with my life, but the grind I received ain’t the grind I want. This grind created a drain to my mind, body, and soul to the point where I just wanna sit and do nothing.

By far
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